I've been thinking about something a lot lately. In my head, I sound like Carrie Bradshaw, clicking away in her faboosh NYC apartment - "Do we really save our worst for those we love the best?" C'mon, you can totally hear her saying that, right?? The point is, I've been wondering about this for a while. I'm blessed with an amazing family; my parents and brother have always been good listeners/advice givers and I've married into a family that does the same. But when I'm having a bad day, and things just aren't up to snuff, who do I take it out on? My dear husband (and sometimes, I'm ashamed to say, my dear son). Growing up, my father tells the story that he could tell what kind of day I had by whether or not the dogs ran to his office and hid under his desk when I got home. It appears that a pattern is emerging here - saving my frustration, annoyance and anger for the comfort of home. I believe that I'm not the only person in the world who does this, but does that make it OK? Once something is done often enough, do we forget that it's not alright? I remember hearing the word "bitch" on TV for the first time and freaking out; I don't bat an eye at it anymore. I'm sure sure some people consider this the downfall of our culture; I just think it's being human.
Seeing his face, with it's dimples and silly fang tooth, are a trigger for my anger. It's not because I'm angry at HIM, it's because he's the person who loves me totally and completely and I know it. I know I can be my worst with him and he'll love me anyway, even if he doesn't like me very much while it's happening!
So is that fair? Is the price of love putting up with your loved ones' bad mood? Of all the people in the world, E deserves my bad mood the least, but feels it the most. I suppose it says something about our relationship that I know I can be that honest with him, and that he'll love me anyway. But I'm just not OK with it..
I've been reading all sorts of people making spring goals, so here's mine:
This week I pledge to not save my worst for the best people in my life.
